


low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline

by progressivestupidity (octolingkiera)



Series: you are not a human being (iz species swap) [2]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Angst, Gen, Some Cursing, Species Swap, Timeskip, Zim is Bad at Feelings (Invader Zim), like. more angst than intended, mini drabble collection, the chapters dont flow like one story would
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26339101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/octolingkiera/pseuds/progressivestupidity
Summary: three drabbles, three prompts.forest. fire. stars.zim and gir invite skoodge on an impromptu camping trip. zim opens up a bit.
Relationships: Dib & Zim (Invader Zim), GIR & Zim (Invader Zim), Invader Skoodge & Zim
Series: you are not a human being (iz species swap) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1913941
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	1. the forest for the trees

**Author's Note:**

> set almost a year after dib arrives on earth
> 
> Zim and Skoodge 14, Gir is 10-going-on-11
> 
> (fic title from "gasoline" by halsey)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was written last and finished after "of all the small towns in the world"
> 
> i tried to keep them consistent lol

Zim shows up at Skoodge’s house Saturday morning, unannounced, Gir in tow, and knocks on the door. He waits approximately a minute, knocks again, then rings the doorbell. At his side, Gir is tapping away at his little cell phone, playing some mobile game, and Gir tilts the screen so Zim can watch while he waits.

A few minutes later, the door opens and the two are greeted by the sight of Skoodge’s father, a hulk of a man with a penetrating gaze and broad shoulders. He stares down at them and arches a brow in question.

Zim stands perfectly straight and puts on a winning smile. “Good morning! Is Skoodge awake yet?”

The man nods and steps back, waving them inside before turning to retreat further into the house.

Zim sighs and slumps in relief. Gir snickers and elbows him in the side. “I love your bullshitting smile,” he whispers, stuffing his phone in his pocket.

“Language!” Zim scolds, smacking Gir upside the head. The boy only snickers some more, petulant, and elbows Zim again before ducking out of reach.

“Zim!” Skoodge calls as he steps into the foyer. “What are you doing here so early?” His gaze falls on Gir and he furrows his brow. “And you brought Gir, too?”

“Go pack a bag fit for a hike and a night in the woods. We’re going on an impromptu camping trip,” Zim says as he makes a shooing motion. “We’ll wait outside until you’re ready.”

Skoodge blinks. “Uh… Really? You? Camping? Are you guys okay?”

Zim frowns. “We’re fine. Now hurry up. We don’t have all day.”

Skoodge tilts his head, then shrugs. “Alright, if you say so. I’ll have my mom pack us some lunches. Just one night, you said?” Zim nods. “Cool. I’ll be quick.” He turns, pauses, and says over his shoulder, “You can come inside, you know,” before continuing on his way.

Zim creeps over the threshold of the house as Skoodge disappears into the kitchen. He stands just inside the door, stiff as the dead, while Gir strolls in and shuts the door behind him like he lives here.

Gir leans against Zim and worms one arms to wrap around his. “Chill out, bro. It’s okay.” He sways slightly, tugging Zim with him. “I’m here.”

Zim grits his teeth and nods, on edge. He feels antsy, tight in his own skin, and as much as he’s normally opposed to camping—as dirty and exposed to the elements as it is—he’s very much looking forward towards the isolation the woods will provide. The gentle rocking Gir provides succeeds in keeping him grounded enough that he doesn’t freak out when Skoodge loudly fumbles back into the room.

“I’m okay!” Skoodge says from where he tripped and hit the floor. He scrambles to his feet, takes one look at the siblings, and keeps a close but mindful distance. “Mom’s almost done. Do I need anything in particular?”

Gir shakes his heads and smiles at Skoodge. “We got it covered!”

Skoodge smiles back at Gir. The two of them have never been very close, but maybe this little trip would be the perfect opportunity to get to know each other a little better while also prying answers out of Zim.

A few minutes later, Skoodge’s mom comes in with an armful of sack lunches. She distributes them between the boys and waves them off with a smile and the urging to have fun. Zim flees as fast as he can without running and runs through a series of deep breaths as he waits for the other two outside.

Someone stomps loudly enough to catch his attention and turns to the others as Skoodge is closing his front door. “So, do you have an idea of where we’re headed?”

“I do, actually,” Zim answers, wrapping his hands around the straps of his backpack. “There’s a nice little place in the woods a few blocks down from our place. It should be a good place to set up camp.” He shrugs and turns on his heel to lead the way. “It’s not very deep, but it’s deep enough that the sounds of the city fade out.”

Gir trots up to walk beside him, his little arms swinging wildly, but carefully enough to not hit anyone. “Zim’s been tellin’ me about it all week. It sounds nice!”

“How’d you find out about this place?” Skoodge asks, walking on Zim’s other side. “You’re not the ‘run around in the forest’ type.”

“Found it when I was younger. Gir was only a baby, and I… decided to go exploring,” Zim says with a shrug. He pushes onward, covering up for his slight hesitation. “I ended up staying out there all night. It was nice.”

Skoodge furrows his brows and purses his lips, but moves on, much to Zim’s relief. “Sounds like it.”

“It’ll be better this time. We’re more prepared.” Zim jolts the bag on his back as proof. “We’ll show those woods who’s boss!”

“Yeah!” Gir cheers, pace picking up into a skip. “C’mon, hurry up! I wanna get there already!”

Zim gives a wheezy little laugh, a genuine sound that has his companions smiling along. “Calm down. We’ll get there soon. Then you run around to your heart’s content.”

“I’m gonna get _dirty!_ ” Gir screams, startling a few nearby animals. A dog barks down the street and Gir barks back.

“Uh.” Zim grimaces. “Try not to get _too_ filthy. We still have to share sleeping bags.”

“Oh, right,” Gir murmurs, putting on an over exaggerated thinking pose. “I’m gonna get dirty _tomorrow!_ ”

Zim gives a laugh, squeaky cackle, slowing down to double over slightly. Skoodge laughs along, smiling wide at the brothers. Gir gives Skoodge a grin behind Zim’s back, and flashes a thumbs up.

Returning the gesture, Skoodge realizes that his earlier worries were not unfounded, but at least he has someone in his corner. With two of them, they should be able to get to the bottom of whatever _this_ is.

Skoodge just hopes it’s nothing too serious, but he knows it’s just wishful thinking.


	2. burn myself to the ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really like this one

Zim likes to think of himself as a fire. He’s passionate and fiery and full of energy, sure, but he also has a tendency to destroy everything he touches. He’s a raging inferno that consumes everything in his path, whether he wants to or not. He’s been burned, burned out, been consumed by a _burning rage_.

Gir is asleep at his side, head in Zim’s lap. He runs his fingers through Gir’s soft hair and gazes into the dying fire. Skoodge is laying in his sleeping bag on the opposite side of the fire pit, the only sign he’s still awake his book light and the occasional turning of a page.

Zim buries his fingers in Gir’s hair and says, “I think I’m a bad person.”

Quiet follows his words and Zim is almost afraid they were eaten by the darkness.

Then, “Why do you think that?”

Zim doesn’t look up from staring down the weak flames and smoldering embers. He shrugs, sure that it can’t be seen. “I’m loud, I’m annoying, I’m weird, I don’t care about other people, I can’t open up to anyone, I push people away, I refuse to accept help, I’m constantly throwing people under the bus, I ruin any possibilities for any sort of relationship to _anyone_ , I’m always getting into trouble—should I keep going?”

Skoodge sits up, closes his book, and turns to look at Zim. “That’s not true.”

Zim finally looks up. His glare is angry and tired. “Yes, it is. Don’t lie to me,” he sneers, louder than he wants. “I don’t need your—” he cuts off his angry tirade, then says, voice small, “pity.” His face falls and he goes back to stroking Gir’s hair, face carefully blank. “Don’t lie to me. I don’t deserve it.”

“That’s not true!” Skoodge says again, voice rising a bit. “And what you said before, that’s not all true either!”

Zim places a finger to his lips and shushes Skoodge. “What did I _just_ tell you?”

“You care about people,” Skoodge continues, ignoring him but volume lowered. “Case in point.”

Zim’s brow furrows and he makes eye contact in the dark. “What do you mean?”

Skoodge waves a hand at Gir. “You don’t wanna wake him up.”

Zim gapes for a second, then forces a scoff. “I don’t want him _complaining_ about being woken up. There’s a difference.”

“Now who’s lying?” Skoodge accuses, crossing his arms. “You care about Gir. You always have and you always will. That boy worships you. You’re all he’s got.”

Zim swallows past a lump in his throat. “He could do better.”

“He doesn’t _want_ better.” Skoodge leans forward and makes an obvious effort to maintain eye contact. “He wants _you_.”

Zim’s eyes burn. “ _He deserves better_ ,” he chokes out. He rolls his eyes up and takes deep breath as he tilts his head back. He blinks heavily a few times. “He doesn’t deserve to be stuck with me.”

“You shouldn’t say that.” Skoodge mumbles, shuffling a bit. “You deserve to be loved, too.”

Zim can’t say thing back, can’t spit denials and accusations. He wonders if the smoke is bothering his eyes and knows he’s lying to himself. If Zim is a fire, and he knows he is, then he’s destined to burn out one of these days.

The next time it’ll be for good.


	3. these lights they shine so bright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stars.

“So, what’s it like?” Zim asks, waving a hand toward the sky. “Up in space. What’s it like seeing the light of a dead star and then going to where it used to be?”

Dib hums, then shrugs. “It’s fine? It’s easy to forget which stars are which unless you’re looking for them specifically, so I’ve probably visited lots of places where stars used to be.”

“That’s a little disappointing. The gravesites aren’t exciting to look at?” Zim sighs and flops on his back in the grass.

“I didn’t say that. I just meant that they’re not memorable as specific stars,” Dib corrects, glancing down at Zim.

“Still.” Zim yawns and shuffles around so he can pull his hood over his head. “Must be nice,” he murmurs, “to be able to just leave the planet whenever you want. To be able to choose to come back if you want.”

Dib is quiet for a minute. “Why did you come out here?” He looks around at the little campsite, easily spotting the sleeping lumps of Skoodge and Gir.

“Why did you _follow_ us?”

“Change in routine,” Dib says. “And you left town. I had to see what you were up to.”

“And you couldn’t just text like a normal person because…?” Zim pointedly digs his phone out of his pocket.

Dib levels him with a flat stare. “You must’ve turned it off. I tried calling you and it went straight to your automated message system.”

“God, you weirdo, it’s called _voicemail_ ,” Zim says, sitting up to look at his phone. It lights up immediately and he squints at the brightness. “Ah,” he says a few moments later, “there’s no signal. Should’a figured.”

“You didn’t answer me.”

Zim occupies himself with his phone, flipping through apps and settings mindlessly. “Just wanted to take a little trip, that’s all.” He doesn’t look up, refuses to make eye contact.

“To the woods? Where there’s dirt and bugs and no cell service?”

Zim locks his phone and stares at the dark screen. Crickets and cicadas chirp and in the distance, interspersed with the occasional croak of some nocturnal frog. “No one comes out here. Thought it might be nice.”

Dib sighs but doesn’t press any further. Zim feels the sound like an arrow through the chest. There he goes again, pushing people away and ruining relationships. He tries to force his mouth to open, his lips to move, his voice to work, but he’s petrified, staring down at a phone he can barely see in the dark, nerves on high alert, shoulders tense. He feels like he wants to run away, but he’s stuck in place.

“The aftermath of a star death is something you really gotta see yourself. There’s nothing else quite like it and pictures don’t do it justice, especially the ones you have here on Earth.”

Zim feels like someone is pouring warm water over his head. He relaxes almost instantly and his breathing comes easier. He blinks up at Dib. “You’ve seen it before?”

“Yeah. Maybe I’ll take you to one someday.”

Zim thinks about distant stars and exploding supernovas and feels a little more real, a little more down to Earth. He gives smiles hidden by the dark night and says, “I’d like that.”

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are appreciated :3
> 
> [check me out on tumblr!](https://progressivestupidity.tumblr.com/)


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